Thanks for writing this. Here’s the primary issue I have that run into as a Jewish person trying to even have this conversation with non-Jewish friends: other than a few exceptional people in my life, most change the subject and don’t even acknowledge what I’ve said. And that is both in person and in writing.
Yesterday I was actually verbally assaulted by a “friend” who threw everything at me from “what do you expect me to do?” to “ it’s terrible for everybody right now” to “don’t lecture me.” She actually said the reason people aren’t paying attention to antisemitism is because there hasn’t been a high profile case of a Jewish person being killed. Followed by, “Tell me what to do to help,” putting the effort on me, and I quote, “I’m not going to put a sign on my front lawn for you.“ Which kind of illustrates your point that people might not pay attention until we’re actually dead. Interestingly 1200 dead in Israel don’t count as high profile enough for it to matter. None of this really gives me the true “I’ll fight by your side” spirit, ya’ know?
All of this in response to me being upset that a certain rapper has released an album called “Heil Hitler,” yet another pop culture event intended to make life hell for Jewish people while everybody else ignores it. I am so traumatized by the exchange that I could barely get out of bed this morning. And it leaves me reticent to ever attempt to have a conversation on this matter with another non-Jewish person who hasn’t already shown themselves to be safe, ever again. I’d want to send this person your article, but there’s no way in hell I’m doing it now.
Just had a 4th friendship come to an end, this one was 25 years. She kept quoting misinformation about Israel, and I tried to say “I know you don’t mean it, but”. Turns out she did mean it. It was like having a conversation with a robot, she just kept saying “everyone is guilty” “how will this ever end” and did not engage with any of the points I tried to make. When I called her out on that, she was shocked that I thought it would be a dialogue. It’s a cult.
I too have lost friendships. It's funny tho, how it's just the ppl you expect to be there for you that aren't & surprised by the ones that are. What I have learned over the year & half is that the ONLY ones who seriously care about the Oct 7th savage murder of Jews are Jews. It's never mentioned no less discussed by nonJews. Paramount+ has the documentary "we will dance again" the attack on the Nova Music Fest. All videos & interviews. A must see.
That rapper's new song was the first thing that came to my mind when I woke up this morning. It reminded me of the great concern that the younger generations do not have as much knowledge about the horrors of antisemitism as the older ones--so the future is vulnerable to antisemitic hate.
The eliminating whataboutism principle really is key. I almost always find that when I try to discuss this stuff with non-Jews, the conversation immediately shifts to “what about the poor [insert different minority group here, most likely the Palestinians].” Okay, thanks —I’ll think about that as our hostages enter their 600th day of captivity…
I wonder, in practical terms, what the response would be to my advice to reply, "We're talking about antisemitism here. Please do not deflect." I suspect the conversation would end. Or the deflection would continue. It's despicable.
Jill's right, Pat. For a Jew to say that is defensive and angry. But for a non-Jew to say that is powerful. Would that there be legions of Pat Johnsons in the world, Gentiles in attack-dog mode standing with the Jews, putting an end to this evil nonsense once and for all.
Perhaps a more passive (but still direct) rewording would be beneficial, such as: “how about we finish this conversation about antisemitism before changing subjects”
Absolutely. I understand while elderly people (like my mother) say “would you hide me.” She is too old to fight anymore, she’s fought her whole life. But yes: everyone else should be fighting, not proactively going into hiding, even if the urge is understandable. The main problem as I see it is, despite invaluable allies like yourself, far too much of the non-Jewish Western world apparently thinks this is 100 percent the responsibility the Jews to fight. This includes almost all of my friends and even extended family. They never say anything. There are not enough Jews to fight antisemitism without help. We are 0.5% of the global population. There are 120 times more Muslims than Jews. We can’t do it on our own. And it’s not only the Jews’ problem: it’s *all* civilized Westerners’ problem.
Your point about not expecting praise or credit is an important one. Antisemitism is fueled by the tendency of people to use Jews to fulfil their own emotional needs and to think about Jews as subjugated to them. The true opposite of antisemitism is not the desire to protect the Jews--but rather respect for their liberty and for the sovereignty of Israel. Debates about what Israel should/should not do must take place--as they very much do--primarily within Israel among people who are knowledgeable and involved. Antisemites are very attached to the trope of throwing accusations at the Jews with a righteous sense of self-importance and then watching the Jews "scramble" and "beg" and "work hard" to prove these accusations wrong. Antisemitism will be on the decline if antisemites will not be able to satisfy their emotional needs through antisemitism. The response to Israel haters could be something along the lines of, "thank you for your opinion. Decisions about this matter will be made by the sovereign state of Israel within the democratic culture of Israel." We have to remember that we are not literally living in Nazi Germany but rather in a world in which some people are pursuing some kind of a grotesque fantasy that they are living in Nazi Germany. The idea of Jewish sovereignty drives them crazy; they cannot tolerate it. They thrive on Jewish subjugation. Our job is to remind them that Jewish subjugation is a fantasy that they can only dream about.
Not a single one of my non-Jewish friends reached out to me after October 7. On the contrary: I was treated to comments like “War is never the answer” after Israel entered Gaza. A second one said what’s happening in “Palestine” is unacceptable. The third one capped it off with “Why are you so upset? Your people have seen off every other enemy throughout history.” And the final gem from the same person: “It won’t help if you destroy one terror group because another will take its place.” Thanks, guys, you’re such a comfort to me.
It has taken all my forbearance to remain on good terms with them by avoiding discussing politics when we get together. But I know they will not fight beside me.
Brilliant piece!!! After reading all the depressing comments on how Jewish people's friends did not reach out - and after having the same thing happen to me, I must tell you a very uplifting story. About 2 months after October 7 I was sitting in a doctor's office. I had a star of David on and a bracelet that said Am Israel Hai - Israel Lives! The doctor who is Indian, not Jewish, said hello and then surprised me by saying "I am so sorry about what happened to your people. It is outrageous and inhuman. " I thanked him profusely. I was so blown away by his simple kindness.
Thanks for writing this. Here’s the primary issue I have that run into as a Jewish person trying to even have this conversation with non-Jewish friends: other than a few exceptional people in my life, most change the subject and don’t even acknowledge what I’ve said. And that is both in person and in writing.
Yesterday I was actually verbally assaulted by a “friend” who threw everything at me from “what do you expect me to do?” to “ it’s terrible for everybody right now” to “don’t lecture me.” She actually said the reason people aren’t paying attention to antisemitism is because there hasn’t been a high profile case of a Jewish person being killed. Followed by, “Tell me what to do to help,” putting the effort on me, and I quote, “I’m not going to put a sign on my front lawn for you.“ Which kind of illustrates your point that people might not pay attention until we’re actually dead. Interestingly 1200 dead in Israel don’t count as high profile enough for it to matter. None of this really gives me the true “I’ll fight by your side” spirit, ya’ know?
All of this in response to me being upset that a certain rapper has released an album called “Heil Hitler,” yet another pop culture event intended to make life hell for Jewish people while everybody else ignores it. I am so traumatized by the exchange that I could barely get out of bed this morning. And it leaves me reticent to ever attempt to have a conversation on this matter with another non-Jewish person who hasn’t already shown themselves to be safe, ever again. I’d want to send this person your article, but there’s no way in hell I’m doing it now.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It is unforgivable.
Thanks Pat. These encounters continue to highlight why your writing matters so much, so thank you.
Just had a 4th friendship come to an end, this one was 25 years. She kept quoting misinformation about Israel, and I tried to say “I know you don’t mean it, but”. Turns out she did mean it. It was like having a conversation with a robot, she just kept saying “everyone is guilty” “how will this ever end” and did not engage with any of the points I tried to make. When I called her out on that, she was shocked that I thought it would be a dialogue. It’s a cult.
I’m so sorry. I’ve heard so many stories of lost friendships and it’s heartbreaking. It is a cult, totally.
And to you. At least now we know.
True that. They've revealed themselves.
And that is the whole point. That is the value to be had from such confrontations. Use this knowledge to strengthen yourself.
I too have lost friendships. It's funny tho, how it's just the ppl you expect to be there for you that aren't & surprised by the ones that are. What I have learned over the year & half is that the ONLY ones who seriously care about the Oct 7th savage murder of Jews are Jews. It's never mentioned no less discussed by nonJews. Paramount+ has the documentary "we will dance again" the attack on the Nova Music Fest. All videos & interviews. A must see.
That rapper's new song was the first thing that came to my mind when I woke up this morning. It reminded me of the great concern that the younger generations do not have as much knowledge about the horrors of antisemitism as the older ones--so the future is vulnerable to antisemitic hate.
What about Paul Kessler? Is his death not enough?
Apparently not. I mentioned Paul Kessler, and the response I got was “Well the media didn’t cover that.” My response: “Precisely my point.”
There’s always a reason why ignoring Jewish trauma or anti-Jewish racism is justifiable.
Sigh.
Totally.
Once again, thank you for your support, which means more than I can say.
The eliminating whataboutism principle really is key. I almost always find that when I try to discuss this stuff with non-Jews, the conversation immediately shifts to “what about the poor [insert different minority group here, most likely the Palestinians].” Okay, thanks —I’ll think about that as our hostages enter their 600th day of captivity…
I wonder, in practical terms, what the response would be to my advice to reply, "We're talking about antisemitism here. Please do not deflect." I suspect the conversation would end. Or the deflection would continue. It's despicable.
Unfortunately when I read that line in my head, it sounds defensive and angry. That's just me, though...
Jill's right, Pat. For a Jew to say that is defensive and angry. But for a non-Jew to say that is powerful. Would that there be legions of Pat Johnsons in the world, Gentiles in attack-dog mode standing with the Jews, putting an end to this evil nonsense once and for all.
Nothing wrong with being defensive and angry when someone is being racist toward you.
Perhaps a more passive (but still direct) rewording would be beneficial, such as: “how about we finish this conversation about antisemitism before changing subjects”
Absolutely. I understand while elderly people (like my mother) say “would you hide me.” She is too old to fight anymore, she’s fought her whole life. But yes: everyone else should be fighting, not proactively going into hiding, even if the urge is understandable. The main problem as I see it is, despite invaluable allies like yourself, far too much of the non-Jewish Western world apparently thinks this is 100 percent the responsibility the Jews to fight. This includes almost all of my friends and even extended family. They never say anything. There are not enough Jews to fight antisemitism without help. We are 0.5% of the global population. There are 120 times more Muslims than Jews. We can’t do it on our own. And it’s not only the Jews’ problem: it’s *all* civilized Westerners’ problem.
Actually more like 0.2%. But who’s counting 😳
Excellent! Thank you!
Your point about not expecting praise or credit is an important one. Antisemitism is fueled by the tendency of people to use Jews to fulfil their own emotional needs and to think about Jews as subjugated to them. The true opposite of antisemitism is not the desire to protect the Jews--but rather respect for their liberty and for the sovereignty of Israel. Debates about what Israel should/should not do must take place--as they very much do--primarily within Israel among people who are knowledgeable and involved. Antisemites are very attached to the trope of throwing accusations at the Jews with a righteous sense of self-importance and then watching the Jews "scramble" and "beg" and "work hard" to prove these accusations wrong. Antisemitism will be on the decline if antisemites will not be able to satisfy their emotional needs through antisemitism. The response to Israel haters could be something along the lines of, "thank you for your opinion. Decisions about this matter will be made by the sovereign state of Israel within the democratic culture of Israel." We have to remember that we are not literally living in Nazi Germany but rather in a world in which some people are pursuing some kind of a grotesque fantasy that they are living in Nazi Germany. The idea of Jewish sovereignty drives them crazy; they cannot tolerate it. They thrive on Jewish subjugation. Our job is to remind them that Jewish subjugation is a fantasy that they can only dream about.
Brilliant. Todah.
Not bad Gefen, not bad at all.
Not a single one of my non-Jewish friends reached out to me after October 7. On the contrary: I was treated to comments like “War is never the answer” after Israel entered Gaza. A second one said what’s happening in “Palestine” is unacceptable. The third one capped it off with “Why are you so upset? Your people have seen off every other enemy throughout history.” And the final gem from the same person: “It won’t help if you destroy one terror group because another will take its place.” Thanks, guys, you’re such a comfort to me.
It has taken all my forbearance to remain on good terms with them by avoiding discussing politics when we get together. But I know they will not fight beside me.
You deserve better "friends".
I love (not) when they blame Israel for Palestinian terrorism. Do we get to blame Palestinians for the rise of Ben-Gvir and Smotrich?
Brilliant piece!!! After reading all the depressing comments on how Jewish people's friends did not reach out - and after having the same thing happen to me, I must tell you a very uplifting story. About 2 months after October 7 I was sitting in a doctor's office. I had a star of David on and a bracelet that said Am Israel Hai - Israel Lives! The doctor who is Indian, not Jewish, said hello and then surprised me by saying "I am so sorry about what happened to your people. It is outrageous and inhuman. " I thanked him profusely. I was so blown away by his simple kindness.
Thank you for writing this.