SAY SOMETHING!

ANYTHING, FFS. HERE’S WHAT.

We’re overdue for a chat.

I’ve noted in several posts that, for most of my Jewish friends, it has not been the overtly antagonistic things they hear from sworn enemies of Israel and Jews that have been so dispiriting in the past two years.

The most upsetting thing has been the absolute deafening, cavernous, reverberating, all-consuming, void-like silence from the people they thought were their friends.

There is hardly a single Jewish friend who has not expressed this to me in some variation.

Of their dozens of non-Jewish friends and hundreds or thousands of acquaintances, most of my Jewish friends have received not a whisper of concern or empathy from any of them.

When someone has received a note or a word of compassion, it has been so rare that they have cherished it like a precious treasure. A word from one or two friends has reassured these people that the entire world hasn’t turned against them.

I wrote recently about the question some Jews are asking themselves, about whether their non-Jewish friends would hide them.

I’m sure plenty of people consider this very line of inquiry symptomatic of a stereotypically Jewish overreaction.

It’s not. Because the question, as I posited, isn’t really about whether you would hide them (or fight with them) if the stakes were high.

It’s about why you have been so deathly silent when the stakes are, as you seem to believe, so low.

It’s been almost two years now since the 10/7 horrors. And, yes, as people seem so determined to point out, Palestinians are suffering too, as a result of the war Palestinian terrorists and leaders started that day.

But the fact that two groups are suffering is not really an excuse to ignore the pain of either of them, is it?

If you have Palestinian (or Palestinian-Canadian or Palestinian-Swedish or Palestinian-whatever) friends, I’ll guess you’ve asked about their families back home, or how this conflict is affecting them personally.

Why haven’t you done the same for your Jewish friends?

I’m going to give some benefit of the doubt here.

I know that a lot of non-Jews do not appreciate the emotional, spiritual, familial and historical connections almost all Jewish people have with the land and the state of Israel. Maybe you know your Jewish friends do not have immediate family there, so it didn’t cross your mind to inquire about how they are doing.

But there are (at least) two conflicts going on here.

There is the conflict over there and the conflict over here.

Pretty much every Jew is concerned about the conflict over there and deeply engaged in the desire for peace and coexistence. What happens there matters deeply to them, even if they do not have immediate family there.

But absolutely every Jew over here, whether they want to be or not, is affected by the conflict here. They may be hiding their outward signs of identity out of a reasonable concern for their physical safety. They are confronted at every turn — in places they are least prepared to expect it: at the gym, at the café, at work, at their book club — with the most malevolent attacks on their people and their right to national self-determination.

And whether or not you think these attacks on Israel should have any impact on the emotional well-being of Jews here, they do.

Put simply: Israel is home to half the world’s Jews. It is in an existential battle with forces sworn to genocide and ethnic cleansing.

If you side with the forces of genocide and ethnic cleansing of Israelis — or, for that matter, if you do anything but full-throatedly support Israel’s right to defend its citizens against these forces — can you see why your neighbors and coworkers might take that as a sign that you don’t care so much about whether Jews live or die?

I guess if you’re not convinced by now, you’re not likely to be convinced.

Let’s say you are. Let’s say you have been feeling a pang about the fact that you haven’t reached out to your Jewish acquaintances. And now it seems so late. You don’t know what to say. You don’t have the words.

I got words. Gawd knows I’ve got words.

Cut and paste. Even if your friends find out you cut and pasted, they won’t care. They will recognize that you made more effort than 98% of their non-Jewish friends.

A few samples. (If you send these, and they respond with an invitation to talk, please just listen. Do not equivocate, argue, contest or debate. This is not about you. It is not about Israel and Palestine. It is about your friendship.)

I’ve been meaning to reach out sooner, and I’m sorry it’s taken me this long. I can only imagine how overwhelming, painful, and isolating this time has been. Please know I’ve been thinking of you, and I care. If there’s anything you need — or if you just want someone to sit with you in the mess of it all — I’m here. Do you have time for coffee or a phone call?

I see what’s happening — the antisemitism, the double standards, the way people are staying silent or looking away. You matter. Your community matters. I’m standing with you. If you would like to talk, please let me know.

I can’t pretend to understand everything you’re carrying right now, but I want you to know that you don’t owe anyone explanations. You have every right to your grief, fear, anger, confusion — whatever you’re feeling. You deserve safety, dignity, and care. I’m holding you in my thoughts.

This message is long overdue, and I’m sorry for the silence. I’ve been watching things unfold and feeling heartbroken — and also unsure how to reach out without saying the wrong thing. But I’ve realized that silence hurts more. So I’m here now for you, your family and your community, and I want you to know that I see you, I support you, and I care. I’m not sure what I can do, but I wanted you to know I am thinking of you. Please let me know what I can do, even if it is just to listen.

I am sorry for the time it has been since we last spoke. I know that Jewish people are struggling right now and I should have been in touch sooner. If you ever need someone to talk to — or someone just to be with — I’m here. No expectations, no politics, no pressure. Just presence, warmth, and whatever space you need. You’re not alone.

To my Jewish and non-Jewish friends: Do you have messages and experiences you would like to share?

*

P.S. Speaking of belated messages, I have fallen behind on responding to comments on these posts. I will try to catch up ASAP.

Some people have generously asked me to make it possible to make one-time contributions to support my work. I have now set up a PayPal link for donations. If you like snappy smackdowns of antisemitism and anti-Zionism and want me to keep it up, any support is deeply appreciated. Click here.